empty

beat me down, into the ground, today my barbaric yawp does not resound.
let me lie here in the dirt, feel this hurt, and figure out my own self-worth.
my stoney stare, i just can't care, and you aren't really there.
what's the point in this, a make believe bliss, i'm just getting pissed.
it's getting cold now, i try to sleep but how, no feelings allowed.

You Asked What I Needed

make love to me gently while i cry these salty tears
whisper it will be ok, brush my hair behind my ear

pull me tight to you, let me feel security
if only for a moment, hide me from reality

carry me inside you, for just a moment longer
prop me up awhile, until i feel a little stronger.

let me need you for now, allow me to cry
just let me be weak, and don't ask why.

you are not mine

you are not mine.
you are many things
but not mine.
you are tying up loose strings, the phone--it rings,
but me, i wait. i think i enjoy the sting.
and i breathe, in and out,
trying not to scream and shout
for your attention, which i think i need, but that must only be
my heart, again, playing tricks on me.
and you are talking on and on, the list, it’s endless obligations
but while i wait i have the realization
that maybe i do not fit into the equation
of your plans so nice and neatly as we both originally thought.
and i know now, you are not mine.

heartsong

if i could crawl inside your chest, wrap myself up in the blankets of your soul, warm and soft and tranquil, i would rest my heart there forever.

i would lay my head on your heart, listen to the slow, deep steady, thud thud thudding, and find peace in that rhythm, healing in that pulse.

i would sleep there, hypnotized by the rise and fall of your breathing, comforted by the lullaby of your blood rushing past me, around me, over me, like a salve to my open wounds.

and i would close my eyes and dream big, grand, unabashed dreams of happiness and splendor, and soft, quiet dreams of open fields and big blue skies and shade trees in the park, and when the nightmares came i would not be afraid.

i would breath big deep breaths, drowning in the warm river of your soul, becoming one with you.
if i could crawl inside your chest, i would.

tug of war

i am amused, consumed, confused by you.
you pull and push and pull and shove until
i am stumbling, bumbling, fumbling.
it's tiptoe, then stomping, then prancing,
dancing away, around,
across the ground
and i don't even know which way's up or down.
i'm acting, reacting, redacting my words.
i'm responding to you but i'm not being heard.
you are gone, moved on
to other things and i am pulling back,
feeling the lack
of your attention.
now there is tension.
and i am standing still trying to figure out which way do i go.
do i know
what i'm doing?
am i fleeing or pursuing?
just what is going on here?
to me it is unclear.
and i am still amused consumed confused by you.

nothing but you

i want to be in that fog, that haze, that cloud that transcends time and place,

that place i go to when i feel the touch of your fingers in my hair, softly dancing across my face

that plane of nowhere that i rise up to or maybe sink down in when your lips are on mine, your mouth devouring me

and it is you and me and nothing else when your touch i feel, your scent i breathe in, the sound of your breathing, the taste of your lips on mine, your eyes locked with mine

that place you take me time after time where my mind is void of thought, vacant of worry and i can only feel and respond to your body, your rhythm, your touch.

i want to be there now, wrapped up in that darkness, that warmth, that peace; wrapped up in you and your mouth and kiss and fingers and gaze.

i want to be in that place where i float along with you, next to you, under you, on top of you, tangled up in you, where i see and feel and hear nothing but you.

if i could

if i could take your heart, hold it in my hand and take away the hurt, i would.
i want to take your tears, make them my own, feel that pain that i have made yours.
you stand tall today, smile and walk on.
but i have seen that little boy broken inside you, if i could put him back together, there's no doubt i would.
we are ripped apart by circumstance, needs unmet, words that struggle to be said, communication dead, the relationship vacant.
if i could lay my head on your chest, make sense of this, i would.
you, i have loved, hated, hurt, angered. you, who brought me so much joy, now so much frustration i am drowning it in.
if i could give my heart back to you, if i could stand the hurt again, i would, but i can't.